Start asking yourself this question. See where the journey takes you. I wonder how long you're going to seek the truth before you finally realize . . . 
____________________________
I used to silently say to myself . . . "Life just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I don't even know how I got to this point. I feel like I've walked away from all my dreams. Someone, please show me that I have a reason to keep going."
"WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?" became a fueling question to move me forward - it became my greatest quest, spending decades on it. And wow did it take me on a journey.
At first, I blamed the world, the people, the circumstances - yes, I was out to prove that it was ALL THEIR FAULT. Ha, that got me nowhere.
Then I blamed my shyness, my lack of confidence, my fears- yes, I became my next target, declaring I was just a scared person stuck in a victim mindset. Again, that got me nowhere.
Finally, after growing weary of pinning the excuses on people, things, and even my own character flaws . . .
Finally, after spending years in research - connecting dots, identifying patterns, and speculating hypotheses . . .
Finally, after living most of my life on this never-ending quest, I realized something . . .
NOTHING IS HOLDING ME BACK - BECAUSE I AM FREE TO CREATE THE STORY OF MY LIFE.
~  Angela
There is power in the words of your story.
Trust me . . . I know.